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wheelchair zuwa cikin jirgi. Sai dana tabbatar Daddy ya zauna comfortably sannan na nemi seat dina na zauna nima tare da sauke ajjiyar zuciya. Bamu dade da zama ba jirgin ya tashi, daga can nesa dani na hango wata ta kankame hannun kujerarta. Nayi murmushi tare lunshe idona ina kallon seat din kusa dani wanda babu kowa a kan sa. Sai kuma na tuno da fuskar sa jiya. How hurt and broken he looked. Na kuma mayar da idona na rufe a fili nace "I am sorry Muhammad. Ina yi maka son da ba zan iya staining white din ka da datti na ba. Allah ya baka ikon cin wannan jarabawar. Allah ya baka wadda ta fini". Sai kuma naji ina jin kishin wadda Muhammad zai samu bayan yayi healing daga abinda nayi masa. Ina kishin rayuwar da zasu yi. Rayuwar da Gidado ya shirya mana zamu yi ni da shi, yanzu dole da wata zaiyi. Dole da wani zanyi.
Zuciya ta naji tana tafasa, gashi na kasa cire tunanin daga cikin ta. Na dauko headphone a handbag dina na saka a kunne na na kunna karatun Alkur'ani tare da rufe idona a hankali ina motsa bakina ina bin kira'ar, da fatan zai sanyaya min zuciya ta.
Ban san tsahon lokacin da na dauka a haka ba naji an taba ni. Na bude ido naga Mommy a tsaye a gaba na, tayi min murmushi sannan ta taba wuya na tana testing temperature dina. Sai kuma ta zauna a kujerar kusa dani tace "nace Mustapha yazo ku zauna tare ya debe miki kewa yace in ya zauna ma faɗa zakuyi" nayi shiru bance mata komai ba ido na a kasa. Ta cigaba "me yasa kuke rigima ne kullum wai Safiyya? Akwai abinda yake yi miki wanda ba kya so? In akwai ki gaya min ni zanyi miki maganin sa kinji?" Na gyada kai na kawai bance komai ba. Sai tace "ki je gurin Daddy, yace yana son magana da ke".
Na mike da sauri tare da cire headphone ɗin kunne na na ajiye, ta rike hannu na "ki bi a hankali kar ki fadi" na sake gyada kai sannan na wuce na tafi inda Daddy yake.
Ina zuwa ya dago kai daga karatun magazine din da take hannunsa, ya kalle ni, kallon da ya fi min ciwo akan komai sannan ya mayar da idonsa kan takardun hannunsa yace "seat" na zauna a kujerar da Mommy ta tashi daga kai ina wasa da yatsun hannuna ban ce komai ba.
Ya ajiye magazine din yace "kin dai san maganar da nayi miki akan aure ko?" Na gyada kai, yace "baki da baki?" Na amsa da sauri. "na sani Daddy" yace "good. Da nayi niyyar sai dai kawai kiji an daura miki aure, banyi niyyar sanar da ke komai a kai ba. Amma ban san me ya hani ni yin hakan ba. Ban san me yasa nake tausayin ki ba, duk da kuwa cewa ke ba kya tausayi na, ko kadan" bance komai ba, dan ji nake yi duk duniya tayi min kunci.
Jin banyi magana ba sai ya cigaba. "Ina tunanin mahaifiyar ki ce. Memory dinta ne yake hunting dina yake hanani aiwatar da duk wani hukunci da nayi niyyar yankewa a kanki. Komai nayi niyyar yi sai inyi tunanin in tana raye zata yarda? Kullum sai nayi tunanin in tana raye wanne hukunci zata dauka akan ki" ya yi ajjiyar zuciya yace "but I guess I will find out soon enough" na dago kai da sauri na kalle shi amma sai yayi sauri ya juya kansa gefe, ya cigaba "babban burina kafin in tafi din shine in ga rayuwar ki ta daidaita, yadda at least ubangiji zai rangwanta min akan laifin negligence a kula da amanar da ya bani, yadda at least zan samu abinda zan gaya wa mahaifiyar ki idan na haɗu da ita a can".
Na goge hawayen kan kuncina a hankali na fadi kalmomin da suka zamar min kamar karatun sallah a cikin watannin nan "Daddy I am sorry".
Ya cigaba "wannan dalilin ne yasa nake son yi miki aure as soon as possible. Bana so in tafi ba tare da na yi miki aure ba Safiyya. Bana so in tafi ba tare da rayuwar ki ta daidaita ba. Wannan shine abinda nake tsoro fiye da mutuwar ita kanta" yayi ajjiyar zuciya ya cigaba "nayi magana da likitan da zai cigaba da dubaki a Germany, ya gaya min cewa zasu iya cire cikin idan yayi wata bakwai ba tare da illa ga ke ko babyn ba. Wannan shine abinda za'a yi. Ina so a rabaki da cikin nan ina raye. Sai dai kuma ban san yadda zanyi da babyn ba idan an cire shi. So for the last time ina sake tambayar ki Safiyya, waye uban cikin nan?".
Na girgiza kai na da sauri amma na san yin shiru na zai kara bata masa rai, kamar yadda nasan abinda zan fada ɗin shima bata masa ran zaiyi. "Daddy wallahi ban sani ba" na fada cikin rawar murya. Yayi ajjiyar zuciya. "I thought as much. Kamar yadda na fada, ni ina tausayin ki amma ke ba kya tausayi na. Okay let's assume gaskiya kike faɗa. Ba ki san waye ba. Amma ai na tabbatar da cewa kin san waye saurayin nan naki ko? Ko shima ba ki san shi ba" na girgiza kaina sai kuma nace "na san shi Daddy " yace "okay, let's go over the whole story kamar yadda kika bamu. Kince a ranar da abin ya faru you were with him throughout the evening, har dare kuna tare. Haka ne?" Nace "haka ne" ya cigaba "da dare you look him to an eatery. Kuka ci abinci tare daga nan sai aka kira ki, someone claiming to be Mustapha, and that's when it happened. Ko?"
A hankali nace "haka ne" yace "okay let me break it down for you maybe ko zaki iya bude idonki beyond soyayyar da kike yi masa ki ga gaskiya. You told him cewa a ranar zan zo gari. Haka ne?" Nayi tunani, tabbas na gaya masa, we were so excited saboda na gaya masa a matsayin another birthday gift da zan bashi, zan kai shi gurin Daddy idan yazo. Nace "haka ne" yace "kuma shi kadai kika gaya wa ko kin gaya wa wani?" Nayi tunani, ni bani da wasu friends da nake wata personal magana da su, na girgiza kai na "ba wanda na gaya wa" Daddy yace "good. And ya san bani da lafiya?" Nan ma na amsa in the affirmative. Ya kuma tambaya "kuma ya san kina da dan'uwa Mustapha, ya san tare zamu taho da shi?" Nayi shiru a raina bana jin dadin direction din da wadannan tambayoyin suke tafiya. Ya katse min tunani na "yes or no" nace "yes, ya sani" yayi murmushi "tambaya ta karshe. Sanda aka kira ki aka yi pretending to be Mustapha, yana zaune a gurin ko ya tashi?" Nayi shiru ban ce komai ba, zuciyata tana bugawa kamar zata bar kirjina. "Answer me!" Ya fada da muryar fada. Na tuno abinda ya faru a lokacin, muna zaune aka kira Gidado a waya, ya dauka baya jin abinda ake cewa sai ya tashi looking for network, and then my phone rang.
Na lumshe ido na a hankali nace "baya gurin, ya tafi yin waya" Daddy ya sake yin murmushi yace "and you still think ba shi
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**** ********* * * * * * ***************
❤🩹*SAFIYYAH*❤🩹
*By*
*Maman Maama*
*Episode Four (4): The Choices 2*
****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****
Awa 8 da rabi mukayi muna tafiya kafin mu isa garin Berlin, Germany. Daddy ya zaɓi Berlin ne saboda anan ne babban abokinsa Uncle Sufyan yake zaune da iyalinsa. Akwai kuma likitan da ya kware akan ciwon Daddy wanda zai kula dashi a tsahon lokacin da zamu zauna a can. It was almost 8 o'clock pm when we landed a birnin na kasar Germany. Already muka tarar da Uncle Sufyan da dansa Abdul suna jiran saukar mu a airport. Muna haduwa da su Uncle Sufyan ya tarbe ni da murmushi "Safiyya, as beautiful as ever" na sunkuyar da kaina ina murmushi sannan na gaishe shi, duk sanda muka hadu dashi haka yake yi min, ya amsa tare da miƙa wa Daddy hannu at the same time yana cewa "duk sanda na ga Safiyya sai na tuna da Safiya, a rear gem. Har yanzu banga mace irin ta ba. Allah ya kai rahama kabarin ta". Mommy tace "Ameen ya Rabbi. Safiyya is a photocopy of her ai" Daddy ya dago yana kallo na yace "anya kuwa, sunyi kama dai a fuska, amma hali kam basu da dangantaka" na kalle shi muka haɗa ido nayi sauri na mayar da ido na ƙasa.
Abu biyu na karanta a idon Daddy a lokacin, akwai grief, wanda duk sanda akayi maganar ta sai na ga yanayin sa ya chanja, wannan yana daga cikin abinda yake kara min fahimtar irin soyayyar da yayi mata, yadda har yanzu, more than 20 years da rasuwar ta, amma bai daina jin mutuwar ta ta ba.
Abu na biyu kuma wanda yafi daga min hankali shine disappointment. Daddy was really disappointed in me. Gani yake kamar duk duniya bashi da wani disappointment da ya wuce ni.
Naji duk gwuiwowina sun sage, kamar kullum naji babu abinda nake so irin barin duniyar. A lokacin babban concern dina shine Allah ya sa hijab dina ya boye cikina tunda bani da tabbas din hosts din mu sun san da maganar cikin or not.
Daga nan muka wuce zuwa inda suka ajjiye motar su, sai da muka je na fahimci cewa motoci biyu suka zo dasu. Daddy ya juyo yana kallona yace "ki shiga motar abdul ya kai ki gidan su ki huta, mu zamu wuce asibiti" na tsaya ina kallon sa idona yana cikowa da hawaye dan naso ace na bishi asibiti anyi komai a gabana, amma kasancewar yanzu bana iya yi masa musu sai nace "okay Daddy". Na tuna da Safiyyan da, da ace seven months back ne, da zan iya rusa kukan da zai tara masa mutane a airport din idan yace ba zan bishi ba. Da ba karamin aikina bane in zauna dirshan a kasa in rike kafafuwansa ina kuka da dukkan karfina, amma yanzu sai nayi taku biyu baya na tsaya ina kallon sa ina kokarin rine kuka na. Ina kallo aka saka Daddy a bayan mota daya, Mommy ta shiga kusa da shi, yaya Mustapha ya shiga gaba sannan Uncle Sufyan ya zauna a drivers seat, aka barni a gefe ina rarraba ido.
Mommy ta sauke glass ta ce min "ki kwanta ki huta in kunje, ki sha maganin ki kuma, zan zo gidan in anjima" na gyada mata kai, Daddy kam ko kallo na bai yi ba suka tafi.
Sai da motar su ta bar gurin sannan Abdul ya ce min "okay. Daddy's girl. Nasan yanzu zaki kama kuka. Let me take you home tun kafin ki rikice min". Na goge hawayen da ya fito tare da ƙirƙirar murmushi nace "I am not crying" yace "of cause you are not. Maybe someone is cutting onions around".
Ya bude min kofar motarsa na shiga sannan ya rufe ya zagaya ya shiga side din driver muka dauki hanya. A hanya yana ta kokarin nuna min gurare amma ni bani da wani interest akan buildings and monuments dinsu, rayuwa ta kawai nake lissafa wa. Har sai da muka yi packing a gaban gidan su sannan ya juyo yana kallona yace "Safiyya, I want to use this opportunity da muke alone muyi magana. Magana nake so muyi as civilized people. Daddy na yace wai sun fara magana da Daddyn ki cewa akwai yiwuwar zasu yi mana aure" yayi shiru yana so yaga reaction daga gare ni sai yaga babu komai, ya cigaba, "so you knows about it kenan. Look, I want you to understand cewa I have nothing against you as a person, I like you. You are very beautiful and intelligent and I am very sure that akwai maza da yawa da suke layi suna son ki zabe su as your life partner. You can have any man you want. Wannan yasa na kasa gane dalilin su Daddy na bullo da wannan maganar. Gaskiya ni dai I don't want arrange marriage. Na fi son inyi aure for love. And I am sure ke ma haka. I know yadda daddyn ki yake son ki ba zai taba yi miki dole ba, and that's why I am begging you. Please idan an tambaye ki kice ba kya sona kamar yadda nima zanyi kokarin nunawa nawa daddyn haka. Let's join hands and fight this battle together. In kika yi min haka I will forever be grateful to you. I am sure kema kina da wanda kike so and I don't want to be the reason da zai saka a raba ku".
Na gado kaina ina kallon sa, part of me yana jin dadin cewa bai san maganar cikin jikina ba, part of me kuma was sad that he maybe the one da zan aura and he just told me cewa baya so na. Na ce "I understand. Kana da wacce kake so" yayi murmushi, a lokaci daya na kara fahimta dan na san irin wannan murmushin. Na hadiye wani yawu mai daci ina hango irin murmushin a fuskar Muhammad, wata irin kewar sa tana kara lullube ni, yace "Yes, ina da wadda nake so. Ban ce ta fiki da komai ba but I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her". Nayi masa murmushi. "I understand. Kuma ina so ka sani cewa nima akwai wanda nake so, so mai tsanani. So in auren mu ya kasance sai dai in kaddarar mu ce haka. But I am not promising cewa Daddy will listen to me because things are totally beyond my control" Na bude kofa zan fita sai na kara da cewa "and I am sorry you are dragged in to this".
A gidan su na wuni ranar, mamansa mai kirki wadda dama kullum muka hadu bata da zancen sai na mamana and how close they were kafin rasuwarta. Wannan ya sa I always look forward to meeting her dan insha labaran da suka fi komai daɗi a kunnuwana amma a ranar sai na kasa zama muyi magana nace mata na gaji kwanciya nake so inyi. Ta bude min dakin da na fahimci an riga an gyara shi saboda zuwan mu, ta kuma kai min duk abinda ta tabbatar zan bukata ni kuma na karba nayi mata godiya, sai dai bata amsa ba sai ta bini da kallo kawai, and then I saw a look on her face, a look of disappointment and anger, sai dai bata ce min komai ba ta juya ta fita. But I knew it, a matsayin ta na uwa ta gane ciki ne da ni and she is disappointed in me, and angry at me, because she cared. Na zauna a bakin gado ina jin feeling ɗin da zuwa yanzu na saba da jin irinsa amma kullum intensity ɗin sa karuwa yake yi a zuciyata. Feeling na son mutuwa. Feeling na tsanar rayuwa. Na rufe ido na nayi addu'a a hankali "Allah ka ɗauki rai na a daren yau".
Sallolina na tashi nayi sannan na janyo fillow na kwanta na rufe idona tare da fatan bacci zai dauke ni ko na manta da halin da nake ciki, ko da na yan mintuna ne, amma sai dai maimakon bacci sai tunaninnikan halin da rayuwata take ciki ne suka yi ta overlapping kansu a cikin kaina. Har ban san wanda zan dauka daga ciki in duba ba, batun rabuwata da Muhammad ne ko na halin rashin lafiyar da Daddy yake ciki ko kuma na auren da za'a yi min da wanda bana so ko kuma karatuna da nayi asarar shekara uku inayi wannan alakakan cikin da yake jiki na ko kuma tunanin hanyar binciken waye uban cikin ko kuma na vultures din da suka dira akan akaina suke tsatstsagar naman jikina da rai na?
Na tashi daga kwanciyar na zauna ina lissafin rabon da inji dan cikina ya motsa tun a Nigeria. Naji wani irin relief a zuciyata "Allah yasa ya mutu" na fada a hankali tare da dora hannuna a saman cikin na dan danna da dan karfi, da karfin shima ya harbo kafa ya doke hannuna, naji wani kulukun bakin ciki ya tsaya min a makogwaro. Sannan na kara number a cikin list na abubuwan da ya kamata inyi tunani akai, "menene makomar abin da yake cikina?"
Daddy yace za'a cire shi nan da wata daya da yan kwanaki, amma shi kansa yace bai san yadda zaiyi dashi ba in an ciro shi. Ni kam ko kallon fuskarsa bana bukatar yi and I will definitely not keep it with me. Dan watarana zan iya shake shi cikin dare...
Nayi sauri na kawar da tunanin daga raina sannan na koma kan next in line, waye zan zaba a cikin choices din da Daddy ya bani? Definitely not Mustapha. I rather die than in auri Mustapha. And then Abdul dazu ya gaya min da bakin sa cewa baya sona, and bai san da maganar cikin nan ba and I don't know yadda zai dauki maganar idan ya fahimci cewa cikin shege nayi shi yasa a keso a makala masa ni, definitely he will hate me forever. Sai kuma Mukhtar. Mukhtar has been obsessed with the idea of marrying me a cikin shekarun nan. But he doesn't love me. Ni na san abinda yake yiwa, it is the same thing as abinda yasa Mommy take ta nacin a haɗa ni aure da Mustapha, Daddy ma kuma na tabbatar ya sani sai dai kokarinsa na binne abin kunyar da yake ganin nayi ne yasa yake kokarin chosing din su dan yasan zamu juya su suyi abinda muke so dan su samu abinda suke so.
Then wanne ne zan zaba daga cikin su kenan?
Naji maraici ya sake lullube ni. Babu abinda nake bukata a lokacin illa in samu someone older that I can talk to, wanda zai bani shawara ba tare da wani selfish interest a cikin shawarar ba. Naji ina kewar mahaifiyata kuma ina takaicin rashin sanin kowa a cikin danginta.
Na dauko handbag dina na bude na dauko yar karamar purse dina na bude ta itama na dauko wani tsohon hoton katin da nake yawo dashi kullum a cikin jaka. Hoton wata mata ne a zaune akan kujerar gidan daukan hoto irin na kauye, da yara yan mata su uku a jere a bayan ta. Babbar zatayi sheakara goma, mai binta takwas, yar karamar kuma ba zata fi shekaru biyar ba. Duk su ukun da ita suke kama, nima kuma da ita nake kama.
Na shafa hoton da hannuna ina lura da yadda duk su hudun suke murmushin da yake nuna yadda suke kaunar junan su, yadda suke cikin farin ciki duk kuwa da talaucin su wanda ake iya gane wa a cikin hoton ta yanayin kayan jikin su. They all had a rough life, a rough ending, but they are all fine now, they are all together now. In Janna insha Allah. Babu kuma abinda nake so a lokacin illa nima in bisu, illa in tafi gurin su.
Na dora hoton akan kirjina na rufe ido na sannan nayi kokarin mantawa da komai sai tunanin yadda rayuwar mu zata kasance a Janna tare. A haka bacci ya dauke ni
Cikin baccin naji an taba hoton dake kan kirjina. Na zabura da sauri kamar wadda za'a cirewa rai na damke hannun wadda ta dauki hoton. Ido na na shiga cikin na Mommy. Na saki hannun sannan na sauke ajjiyar zuciya na koma na kwanta na mayar da ido na na rufe. Ta juya hoton a hannunta tana kallon mutanen ciki, sai kuma ta zauna akan gadon tana kallona tace "baba Hadiza, Saudat and the poor little Khadijah. Babu abinda Safiya take magana akai sama da su. They were her inspiration....." "And she is mine" na fada a hankali ido na still a rufe. Tayi ajjiyar zuciya sannan ta mayar min da hoton inda ta dauke shi tace "she is ours. Gabakidayan mu musamman babanku ita ce inspiration din mu. Duk hukuncin da zai yanke a rayuwa sai ya saka interest ɗin ta a ciki. What will she think? What will she say? What will she do? Kullum sune kalmomin sa. Bana kishin ta Safiyya, ban taba jin raina ya baci dan yayi considering dinta ita da bata raye before yayi considering di na ni da nake raye nake kuma matarsa ba, ban taba jin kishi ba, besides ina jin guilt ne na cewa she should be alive, ita ya kamata ta rayu ba ni ba, she should be here enjoying the empire she built with her blood and sweat. But ba haka Allah yaso ba Safiyya, and we can't question hukuncin ubangiji. I will understand if you don't like me Safiyya, maybe irin tunanin da nake yi kema kina irin sa cewa ina living the life that should be safiya's, but I cant wrap my head around the pact that you don't like Mustapha. Me yayi miki shi?"
Na bude ido na amma ban kalle ta ba kuma ban ce komai ba. Ta sauko daga kan kujerar ta zauna a kusa dani ta cigaba "Daddy ya gaya min kince ba kya son Mustapha. I won't say nayi mamaki dan tuni na fahimci yadda kike yi masa but I thought kawai kin kasa accepting dinsa ne as a brother ban dauka kin tsane shi bane ba, ban dauka zaki iya putting future din ki da kuma martabar ki in jeopardy kawai saboda mere sentiment".
Ta karasa maganar cikin daga murya. Na mayar da ido na na rufe na kuma mayar da hannuna na dora akan hoton kan kirjina. Ina jin ta tana kokarin daidaita muryarta sannan tace "am sorry Safiyya. Am sorry na daga miki murya. Amma ban taba tunanin haka daga gare ki ba. I love you with all my heart Safiyya. Haihuwar ki ne kawai ban yi ba. Idan ke baki sani ba shi mahaifinki ya sani. Soyayyar ki ce ta kawo ni gidan ku. I never expected cewa ke zaki ƙi jini na Safiyya. I never expect kuma daddy zai rufe idonsa ya goya miki. Not after all that has happened" ta sake yin shiru, nima kuma ban bude ido na ba ban kuma yi magana ba.
Naji ta kama hannuna ta rike a cikin nata, ina jin yadda natan ya dauki zafi, ta kuma cewa "Safiyya, yanzu duk duniya wa kike tunanin kina da shi da zai rufa miki asiri bayan mu? Wanne family kike da su bayan mu? Ahmad? Kina ganin dai abinda yayi miki a cikin gidan babanki ballantana in kin je gidan shi. Ko kuma Abdul ɗin gidan nan da mahaifiyar sa tun kafin in karaso gidan nan ta kira ni tana tambayar ko abinda ta gani a tare da ke gaskiya ne. Ta yaya kike tunanin zata karbe ki a matsayin sirika? Safiyya idan ma ba zaki yi tunanin yadda zanji a raina in kika yi rejecting jini na ba think of your future and the future if your unborn baby. Think ki gani ina ne kike ganin yafi dacewa da ke".
Sai ta saki hannuna ta mike ta shiga toilet. Na bude ido na ina kallon kofar toilet ɗin ina jin zuciya ta babu daɗi, tabbas Mommy tana nuna min soyayya da kulawa dai dai yadda ya kamata, bata taba cutar dani a bayyane ba, not that I know of, bata taba yi min mugunta ba tun ina yarinya har na girma, tun bata san gaskiyar wacece ni ba har ta sani. Sanin nata ya chanja abubuwa da yawa, the changes may be reality or just a pigment of my imagination dan bani da tabbas a kansu.
Abinda nake da tabbas akai shine she doesn't deserve a cold treatment from me, Safina ma haka.